{"id":824,"date":"2020-01-27T15:41:00","date_gmt":"2020-01-27T05:41:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/effectivebehaviourmanagement.com.au\/?p=824"},"modified":"2022-03-28T10:21:51","modified_gmt":"2022-03-28T00:21:51","slug":"setting-clear-boundaries","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/effectivebehaviourmanagement.com.au\/setting-clear-boundaries\/","title":{"rendered":"Setting Clear Boundaries"},"content":{"rendered":"<figure>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<img class=\"lazyload\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"768\" height=\"432\" src=\"https:\/\/effectivebehaviourmanagement.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/Wooden-fence-posts-768x432.jpg\" data-orig-src=\"https:\/\/effectivebehaviourmanagement.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/Wooden-fence-posts-768x432.jpg\" alt=\"Setting Clear Boundaries\" srcset=\"data:image\/svg+xml,%3Csvg%20xmlns%3D%27http%3A%2F%2Fwww.w3.org%2F2000%2Fsvg%27%20width%3D%27768%27%20height%3D%27432%27%20viewBox%3D%270%200%20768%20432%27%3E%3Crect%20width%3D%27768%27%20height%3D%27432%27%20fill-opacity%3D%220%22%2F%3E%3C%2Fsvg%3E\" data-srcset=\"https:\/\/effectivebehaviourmanagement.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/Wooden-fence-posts-768x432.jpg 768w, https:\/\/effectivebehaviourmanagement.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/Wooden-fence-posts-300x169.jpg 300w, https:\/\/effectivebehaviourmanagement.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/Wooden-fence-posts-600x338.jpg 600w, https:\/\/effectivebehaviourmanagement.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/Wooden-fence-posts.jpg 1024w\" data-sizes=\"auto\" data-orig-sizes=\"(max-width: 768px) 100vw, 768px\"><figcaption>Setting Clear Boundaries can cut through the confusion,keeping your kids safe, and you sane.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<h2>Setting Clear Boundaries<\/h2>\nIt goes without saying that setting boundaries is important to keep your kids safe. Using the right wording makes all the difference when making sure your kids understand. Here\u2019s a practical example of how to put the right wording in place.Setting clear boundaries also makes it easier for you to bring your kids on track before they go astray.\n<h3>The confusion of unclear boundaries<\/h3>\nI was sitting in a park that was popular with locals and families one summer day. A family group sat nearby. Their young son about three years old wanted to ride his scooter on the footpath near the playground where the family was seated a few metres away.&nbsp;\n\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n\nWhen his dad said \u201cdon\u2019t go too far\u201d a debate ensued.&nbsp;\n\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n\n\u201cBut I want to go!\u201d young son protested.\n\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n\n\u201cYes, I know, and you can, but I don\u2019t want you to go too far.\u201d Dad replied patiently\n\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n\n\u201cBut where can I go?\u201d young son continued\n\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n\n\u201cI just want you to go where I can see you\u201d Dad sighed.&nbsp;\n\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n\nThe rest of the time was spent with Dad regularly calling out \u201cdon\u2019t go too far!\u201d Master Three truculently replied \u201cI\u2019m not!\u201d as he scooted down the path out of sight. Dad was constantly forced to get up and chase after him to bring him back.\n<h3>Different points of view<\/h3>\nI could understand both points of view. The active three year old wanted to ride his scooter. Dad wanted to relax in the shade while still keeping an eye on his young son. Fair enough.\n\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n\nDad had rightly set limitations to keep his young son safe. But I could see a few problems with his wording.\n<ul>\n \t<li>The first problem was his boundaries were not clear enough. What does \u201cnot too far\u201d mean to a three year old?&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/li>\n \t<li>The second&nbsp; problem was that those boundaries were from the Dad\u2019s point of view, not the young son\u2019s. Dad knew whether or not he could see his son. But how would a three year old understand what his dad could see?<\/li>\n \t<li>Lastly, because the boundaries were not clear, Dad was finding it hard to enforce them.He had to keep chasing after his son scooting away from him.&nbsp;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3>A clear boundary in sight<\/h3>\n<figure>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<img class=\"lazyload\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"558\" height=\"314\" src=\"https:\/\/effectivebehaviourmanagement.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/Park-pathway-with-lamp-post.jpg\" data-orig-src=\"https:\/\/effectivebehaviourmanagement.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/Park-pathway-with-lamp-post.jpg\" alt=\"setting boundaries between pathway and lamp post\" srcset=\"data:image\/svg+xml,%3Csvg%20xmlns%3D%27http%3A%2F%2Fwww.w3.org%2F2000%2Fsvg%27%20width%3D%27558%27%20height%3D%27314%27%20viewBox%3D%270%200%20558%20314%27%3E%3Crect%20width%3D%27558%27%20height%3D%27314%27%20fill-opacity%3D%220%22%2F%3E%3C%2Fsvg%3E\" data-srcset=\"https:\/\/effectivebehaviourmanagement.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/Park-pathway-with-lamp-post.jpg 558w, https:\/\/effectivebehaviourmanagement.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/Park-pathway-with-lamp-post-300x169.jpg 300w, https:\/\/effectivebehaviourmanagement.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/Park-pathway-with-lamp-post-400x225.jpg 400w\" data-sizes=\"auto\" data-orig-sizes=\"(max-width: 558px) 100vw, 558px\">\n\n<figcaption>A clear boundary could be set on the pathway between a lamp post and a tree.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\nThere was a lamp post and a large tree next to the path about 5 metres apart. Telling the boy to ride on the path between the lamp post and tree would set a clear boundary that both of them could understand. Dad could also have made it interesting by challenging his son to race between the lamp post and tree and then trying to beat that time when he rode between them the next time.&nbsp;&nbsp;\n\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n\nOf course, adventurous kids will want to push those boundaries. Beyond the lamp post was another tree about two metres further along the path. Master Three appeared adventurous, so the next step could be to encourage him to expand his boundaries just a little by riding to the next tree along. It would still suit Dad\u2019s objectives of keeping his son safe and within his eyesight\n\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n\nBy setting clear boundaries, everyone\u2019s happy. Dad gets to sit in the shade and watch his son, and the son gets to ride his scooter happily.&nbsp;\n<h3>Three simple steps<\/h3>\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:image {\"align\":\"center\",\"id\":1001,\"sizeSlug\":\"large\"} -->\n\n<!-- \/wp:image -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n\nIt can be frustrating when setting boundaries turns into a debate because we haven\u2019t really made our limitations clear enough.&nbsp;\n\nDoes your child behave like a truculent three year old off on an adventure? Try out these three steps using the right words to help you set clear boundaries.\n<ol>\n \t<li>Avoid saying &#8220;don&#8217;t&#8221;. Tell them what you want them to do, instead of what you don\u2019t want them to do.&nbsp;<\/li>\n \t<li>Make it explicit. Replace \u201cDon\u2019t go too far\u201d with \u201cRide between the lamppost and the tree\u201d<\/li>\n \t<li>Describe what you want to see.\n<ol>\n \t<li><em>Ride<\/em>: says the action you want them to do.<\/li>\n \t<li><em>Between<\/em>: says where you want them to ride.<\/li>\n \t<li><em>Lamp post <\/em>and <em>tree<\/em> are the two clear objects you want them to ride between.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<!-- \/wp:list -->\n\n<!-- wp:image {\"align\":\"wide\",\"id\":1002,\"sizeSlug\":\"large\"} -->\n<figure><\/figure>\n<!-- \/wp:image -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n<figure>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<img class=\"lazyload\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"558\" height=\"309\" src=\"https:\/\/effectivebehaviourmanagement.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/Father-and-son.jpg\" data-orig-src=\"https:\/\/effectivebehaviourmanagement.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/Father-and-son.jpg\" alt=\"Father and son walking on path\" srcset=\"data:image\/svg+xml,%3Csvg%20xmlns%3D%27http%3A%2F%2Fwww.w3.org%2F2000%2Fsvg%27%20width%3D%27558%27%20height%3D%27309%27%20viewBox%3D%270%200%20558%20309%27%3E%3Crect%20width%3D%27558%27%20height%3D%27309%27%20fill-opacity%3D%220%22%2F%3E%3C%2Fsvg%3E\" data-srcset=\"https:\/\/effectivebehaviourmanagement.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/Father-and-son.jpg 558w, https:\/\/effectivebehaviourmanagement.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/Father-and-son-300x166.jpg 300w, https:\/\/effectivebehaviourmanagement.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/Father-and-son-400x222.jpg 400w\" data-sizes=\"auto\" data-orig-sizes=\"(max-width: 558px) 100vw, 558px\">\n\n<figcaption>By setting boundaries that you can clearly see, everyone is happy<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<h3>What has your experience been?<\/h3>\nHad a similar experience? It would be great to hear what you think. Feel free to write your comments below.\n<h3>Want to know more? Check out these additional resources<\/h3>\nhttp:\/\/www.timeforkids.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/10\/Carer-Resource-2.-Setting-Boundaries-and-Expectations.pdf\nhttps:\/\/childpsychologist.com.au\/managing-difficult-behaviour\/\nhttps:\/\/www.huffpost.com\/entry\/how-to-set-limits-for-kids_b_4610102\n<h2>\n\t\t\t\t\t\tNeed some more advice?<\/h2>\nLoved this article, but would like to know more about how to put the three steps in place? Get in Touch today to arrange a 15 minute no obligation phone call or zoom chat to help you get started.&nbsp;\n<a href=\"\" role=\"button\">\nGet in Touch\n<\/a>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It goes without saying that setting boundaries is important to keep your kids safe. Using the right wording makes all the difference when making sure your kids understand. Here\u2019s a practical example of how to put the right wording in place.Setting clear boundaries also makes it easier for you to bring your kids on track before they go astray.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":1000,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"gallery","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false},"categories":[47,197],"tags":[53,55,52,51,54,50,56,49,57],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/effectivebehaviourmanagement.com.au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/824"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/effectivebehaviourmanagement.com.au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/effectivebehaviourmanagement.com.au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/effectivebehaviourmanagement.com.au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/effectivebehaviourmanagement.com.au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=824"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/effectivebehaviourmanagement.com.au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/824\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4883,"href":"https:\/\/effectivebehaviourmanagement.com.au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/824\/revisions\/4883"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/effectivebehaviourmanagement.com.au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1000"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/effectivebehaviourmanagement.com.au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=824"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/effectivebehaviourmanagement.com.au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=824"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/effectivebehaviourmanagement.com.au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=824"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}